Hippie State of Mind
I'm not sure if you've noticed but I've been a bit less active lately. Here is why...
In a recent media article, they interviewed a 100 year old lady who had endured a miscarriage, sexual, emotional and physical abuse by the hands of her long time husband for 27 years - and they asked her - what is the secret to life? She answered it simply and happily:
"Life is about riding the highs and the lows"
Communal braiding and floral arrangements in one's hair. Hydroponic weed, peace tattoos, singing Kumbuya in grassy circles and psychedelic rainbow euphoria. That is NOT the hippie that I'm talking about. Well maybe the rainbow part. Anyway, if you've read my About Me, you would have gotten an understanding of who I was as a person.
And in February of this year, I was on the very cusp of the lowest low my life had ever fallen to. I had spent years and years, with no friends and people that made fun of me while I was trying to hide parts of myself from everyone. I remember lying in bed many nights crying thinking that no one would ever want me and my only dream I held onto while growing up alone was professional success and having even a few people acknowledge me.
This February, after finally getting on a high from moving on from my most recent break up, getting my dream job, garnering traction in my fashion career and getting shallow and vapid attention from boys, I had an existential crisis in which everything I had ever worked toward in my life and each and every struggle I endured, even through loneliness, gave me absolutely no meaning to my life. The things I chased were all vain, hollow and a chasing of the wind …
Thus came the worst two months of my life: riddled with taking and doing things that were not great for my soul and body, depression, hospital visits, pain-staking medication, and social quarrels.
On a recent weekend, I had a complete change of viewpoint about life. It wasn't something said, or even a direct action but a friend's attitude that somehow gave me meaning to my life. To live a life of love, spreading love and creating love. All the depression and need for attention began to fade away…
In my 22 years living, I really can agree with that 100 year old, it is a series of riding the ups and the downs - knowing that it is part of the destiny of being human.
And an even more integral part of being human is relating to one another. I found that my friends helped me through this depression. Did you know that when you move your hands toward yourself in the motion of a hug, your brain releases endorphins that makes you happy and that when you gesture in the motion of pushing something away, your brain's Modula Oblongata raises feelings of tension. We are PHYSIOLOGICALLY WIRED TO LOVE!
And thus, I think my hollowness began to fill in with the new doctrine of love. I want to take each day as a blessing as it comes and enjoy the unexpected journey that is life - every single day, there is something to work toward and an adventure and opportunities to love. Many people say, they've never met a happy rich person. This is just a saying but my understanding of this is that the rich don't appreciate the small things. The key to happiness is contentment in any situation and to enjoy even the smallest pleasures life has to offer, which for me are weird things like staring out bus windows and drawing a story about the people you see on the city streets. It's small things like that.
Life is about creating things in love. If you insert this idea into any situation, it is immediately given purpose and direction. Whether it is your friends, family, lover, yourself, what you do, loving the city you live in or even clouds in the sky or a summer breeze. None of this 30-70 bullshit. I believe in loving to my very bones. Unrequited or unequal love between people is as legitimate love as mutual love, just because the other does not love you back as much, doesn't take from the value of your own love that comes out of yourself. So here's to a life of loving each other, and encouraging one another to live in love, and also to love life itself - high and lows of each and every day inclusive.
I call it a hippie state of mind.